>Our Five Rules of Parenting

>{stepping on soapbox}

My friend posted a list of her Five Rules Of Parenting on her blog half a year ago, and I had written mine out in her comments… but then realized that I wanted to go ahead and get all up on my soap box and write my own list of these rules.

These are the five six most important guidelines that Tony and I follow when parenting our kids. They might not be everyone’s Top Five, and I wouldn’t expect them to be, because what I’ve found in being a parent is that everyone has different sets of goals and values.

One that I had put on my list originally was not judging other people’s parenting choices; that one I still struggle with daily. I’ve learned to let go of most of the things I see parents doing as long as they don’t affect my children, but there are still times when I can’t help but get incensed. And it’s those times when I force myself to close my eyes and breathe deeply, or look in the other direction. Because it’s not my place to say that someone else should buckle their kids into their car(seats), or that perhaps they should try telling their kids ‘no’ – and sticking to it – instead of giving into the demands of a tantrum.

And so this list of my Five Rules of Parenting isn’t intended to pass judgment on others who have different priorities. These are just the rules that work for us.

1. Love Your Children Unconditionally. Tell them you love them each and every day. Give out unlimited amounts of hugs and kisses… even when you don’t feel like loving them, or kissing and hugging them.  And when your own kids don’t feel like getting hugs and kisses, respect their wishes.  But still tell them you love them.  (See bonus rule below for further explanation.)

2. Be Consistent. If you tell your kids that they need to do something a certain way, try to keep it that way all the time. For example, my kids eat sitting in their chairs at the dining room table for every meal and (nearly) every snack. They know this is what we do at mealtimes. Because we’re consistent in expecting this from them, it automatically translates to them sitting down at other people’s homes and when eating out, too. Along with this is Follow Through. Don’t make threats or set consequences that you won’t stick to. If you don’t take yourself seriously, they won’t either, and you’re undermining yourself.

3. Discipline is Part of Raising Children. Discipline isn’t just putting your kids in time-out when they’ve done something wrong, or taking away TV-watching rights for a week, or spanking them if that’s a part of what you do. It’s teaching your children how to act, how to behave, and reinforcing the kinds of behaviors that you want to see them do. It’s being on top of them every second of the day, requiring them to do what you tell them to do, and being prepared to get down and dirty when they resist. It’s not giving in when you’re too tired, but logging the endless hours when they’re little, because as they get older they carry it with them. And it gets a little easier.

4. Don’t do everything for your kids. Teach them to do for themselves. Make them clean up their own messes (both literal and figurative), so that they learn to become accountable for themselves. Remember that parenting is about raising future adults, not just getting them through childhood.

5. Be a model for your kids. Forget “Do as I say, not as I do”, and show them how you want them to act. Use only the language you want to hear coming from their mouths. They will copy everything you say and do, so work to be on your best behavior around them. If you never say please or thank you, don’t be surprised if your kids never say it, either. Hold doors open for others so that someday they will, too. Read books for yourself, so that they see it can be a pleasurable thing. Deny yourself some of the things you desire, so they can see that delayed gratification is nearly always better than immediate satisfaction.

Bonus Rule: Remember that kids are really small people. From the earliest days of Bear’s life, I refused to call her “The Baby”, and even though we chose not to learn the gender during our second pregnancy, we still referred to him as ‘Baby Bug’. I named them, and I use their names not just when I talk to them, but when I talk about them, because they have identities of their own. I have tried to keep in mind with both of my children that although they’re young, although they’re small and highly impressionable, they’re still people in their own right.

They have feelings, and opinions. We can’t command them to feel hunger pains on our schedule, or be tired when we want them to fall asleep. We can’t demand that they enjoy listening to the same music that we do, or that they like eating our favorite foods. Can we influence and guide them to go in the directions we like best? Sure. But ultimately, they will decide for themselves what they want to do. My son will determine if he wants to wear the blue shoes or the pink ones, and my daughter will say that she’d rather learn karate than take ballet lessons.  And that’s okay.

{stepping off soapbox}

What are (were, will be) your Parenting Rules?

---

Please click through to Critter Chronicles for pictures and more content.

Become a Fan of Critter Chronicles on Facebook

All content © HMGBlogs 2007-2011